Well, I haven't run out of things to think or to say, but I truly question why anyone would want to read a blog written by me. Surely my children have heard it all, or if not, don't desire to hear more from The Mom. The only one who thinks I have anything at all worth listening to is me. Isn't that the way it is? I spent my first half century saying nothing important, and now that I feel I actually have something important to say, no one wants to hear it. I know if you're into genealogy and future generations, you might think you'd like to pass things on to kids and grandkids to show them their heritage or whatever. So, here's what I think:
If you want to understand the Ultimate Reality, simplify the process and undertake ONE, and only one practice, and then do that one thing until you've gleaned all you need from it. "They" say it takes 90 days minimum to affect a change in yourself, but remember those 90 days come one day at a time, one minute at a time, and being present in that minute is a huge practice. And I also think the word "practice" says it all. We usually don't get to mastery----until we get to mastery. Yes, this life is full of double-speak.
Here is only one example from my own life to illustrate the point I'm trying to make. It is for posterity.
September marks many emotional anniversaries for my family. My mother was born in September, and both my mother and father died in September. In fact, last weekend was the anniversary of their deaths 32 years apart, so maybe that's why they've been on my mind a lot.
There are traits my mother had which I've spent my whole life trying to overcome. One is that she was tremendously judgmental, critical, racially prejudiced, and an angry victim. O.K., that's not all she was, and she outgrew many of those traits by her death. But since I was a baby-boomer, and she lived through two world wars and the depression, her experiences were clouded by fear and cultural/racial prejudice. It was the way it was. So, my youth was spent with a victim archetype, where blame was the mode of the day. Somehow, complaining was modeled to us---after all, she had plenty to complain about during the depression and wars. So of course, I picked up the pattern and learned to blame and complain. I didn't realize how miserable I was making myself, let alone everyone around me. When I took the personal growth seminars in the 80's, that was the first thing I understood----blaming didn't work, it just made me miserable. Taking responsibility for my feelings and actions was tremendously empowering. It was the first experience I had of Free Will. One sentence I heard which became like a mantra was, "You are responsible for everything that happens to you." I spent 20 years trying to understand that one sentence. Another one was, "You have as much as you're willing to be responsible for." I still am trying to get the full meaning of that one.
But, the thing that helped me more than anything, was learning the 10 yamas and niyamas of yoga, like the ten commandments, the 5 Do's and 5 Don'ts. One of these is Santosha, or contentment. One of our instructors had us take one principle at a time, and practice it for a day or a week, or a month, or a year, or just an hour. Being aware on one principle at a time is an amazingly difficult thing to do. Our minds want to race all over the place. But I knew in my heart, I had to practice Santosha, because of the way I had been raised, so I chose to practice for 90 days. What an education!!!! The first thing I noticed was how much I complain. Next, I noticed how it made me feel. Then I noticed how hard it was to not complain. Finally, I decided I had to break it down. So, I PRACTICED not complaining. That's it. Everytime I started to complain, I just clamped my jaw shut or bit my tongue. It took about a month to stop the habit of complaining. Then I realized that the opposite of complaining was gratitude. So I tried to find one thing a day to be grateful for. It was a practice. After about a month, I started noticing a major shift in my happiness level. There were actual moments I NOTICED that I felt happy. After a few weeks I began to notice that I was calmer, more grateful, and whoa! even content! Truly, after about 90 days I had made a major shift. And now I have a tool in my back pocket so whenever I find myself complaining, and I still do, I know I can STOP, FEEL, NOTICE, SHIFT, and CHOOSE. And with all of that, I also notice my breathing slowing down, my comfort level improving, and I know that I can get back to feeling the way I want to feel.
They say that the hologram of the WHOLE is fully contained in a single cell, or even atom. In yoga, they believe that if you fully meditated on only ONE thing, you would understand and unlock the secret of the whole universe. In my lifetime, I don't believe I could do that--I'm not built that way. But I CAN take one thing at a time and try to glean the importance of that one principle and use it for bettering myself. I have the gift of Free Will, which means I can choose how to feel, how to think, how to create the best human being I can be. I am untimately responsible for what I become--in essence, I am responsible for everything....by being responsible for what I create and who I create myself to be. Don't I want to be the best I can be? Don't we all?
If you want to understand the Ultimate Reality, simplify the process and undertake ONE, and only one practice, and then do that one thing until you've gleaned all you need from it. "They" say it takes 90 days minimum to affect a change in yourself, but remember those 90 days come one day at a time, one minute at a time, and being present in that minute is a huge practice. And I also think the word "practice" says it all. We usually don't get to mastery----until we get to mastery. Yes, this life is full of double-speak.
Here is only one example from my own life to illustrate the point I'm trying to make. It is for posterity.
September marks many emotional anniversaries for my family. My mother was born in September, and both my mother and father died in September. In fact, last weekend was the anniversary of their deaths 32 years apart, so maybe that's why they've been on my mind a lot.
There are traits my mother had which I've spent my whole life trying to overcome. One is that she was tremendously judgmental, critical, racially prejudiced, and an angry victim. O.K., that's not all she was, and she outgrew many of those traits by her death. But since I was a baby-boomer, and she lived through two world wars and the depression, her experiences were clouded by fear and cultural/racial prejudice. It was the way it was. So, my youth was spent with a victim archetype, where blame was the mode of the day. Somehow, complaining was modeled to us---after all, she had plenty to complain about during the depression and wars. So of course, I picked up the pattern and learned to blame and complain. I didn't realize how miserable I was making myself, let alone everyone around me. When I took the personal growth seminars in the 80's, that was the first thing I understood----blaming didn't work, it just made me miserable. Taking responsibility for my feelings and actions was tremendously empowering. It was the first experience I had of Free Will. One sentence I heard which became like a mantra was, "You are responsible for everything that happens to you." I spent 20 years trying to understand that one sentence. Another one was, "You have as much as you're willing to be responsible for." I still am trying to get the full meaning of that one.
But, the thing that helped me more than anything, was learning the 10 yamas and niyamas of yoga, like the ten commandments, the 5 Do's and 5 Don'ts. One of these is Santosha, or contentment. One of our instructors had us take one principle at a time, and practice it for a day or a week, or a month, or a year, or just an hour. Being aware on one principle at a time is an amazingly difficult thing to do. Our minds want to race all over the place. But I knew in my heart, I had to practice Santosha, because of the way I had been raised, so I chose to practice for 90 days. What an education!!!! The first thing I noticed was how much I complain. Next, I noticed how it made me feel. Then I noticed how hard it was to not complain. Finally, I decided I had to break it down. So, I PRACTICED not complaining. That's it. Everytime I started to complain, I just clamped my jaw shut or bit my tongue. It took about a month to stop the habit of complaining. Then I realized that the opposite of complaining was gratitude. So I tried to find one thing a day to be grateful for. It was a practice. After about a month, I started noticing a major shift in my happiness level. There were actual moments I NOTICED that I felt happy. After a few weeks I began to notice that I was calmer, more grateful, and whoa! even content! Truly, after about 90 days I had made a major shift. And now I have a tool in my back pocket so whenever I find myself complaining, and I still do, I know I can STOP, FEEL, NOTICE, SHIFT, and CHOOSE. And with all of that, I also notice my breathing slowing down, my comfort level improving, and I know that I can get back to feeling the way I want to feel.
They say that the hologram of the WHOLE is fully contained in a single cell, or even atom. In yoga, they believe that if you fully meditated on only ONE thing, you would understand and unlock the secret of the whole universe. In my lifetime, I don't believe I could do that--I'm not built that way. But I CAN take one thing at a time and try to glean the importance of that one principle and use it for bettering myself. I have the gift of Free Will, which means I can choose how to feel, how to think, how to create the best human being I can be. I am untimately responsible for what I become--in essence, I am responsible for everything....by being responsible for what I create and who I create myself to be. Don't I want to be the best I can be? Don't we all?
Now, if you think I've said it all, please leave a comment so I'll know if I need to quit blogging.
4 comments:
Hi! I just stumbled onto your blog and the timing couldn't have been better. Your experience is very encouraging. I have just began practicing mindfulness meditation, am, in fact, about half way through a book called 'Wherever you go, there you are". Have you read it? It is great to hear that focusing really works, being present, I guess, for the moment. I've been practicing for a couple of months, and have noticed changes in my reactions to my emotions. But I haven't heard of the method you are using - what are the points you were taught to focus on, one at a time?
Thanks for sharing :-)
Thanks for your thoughtful blog! Mine is nowhere near that intense. I am sorry you were believed you were a 'victim'. I am young but I believe I am saved. I only wish I had your kind of self discipline to make it count for something too.
Love-- Janine
Marie, You are soooo funny! Not that this blog was ment to be funny, just that first and last part. Who want's to read what you're saying? WE do! I haven't had the chance yet to hear all of your stories and experiences. I am too far away to "hang out and absorb" and whenever we get on the phone someone has a crisis that needs attending to. Not to mention the part that you see a different, sometimes partially hidden side of a person when they let you into their lives through the written word. I hope that you don't stop blogging. Maybe you should follow the advice of this really great person that I know who said something about 90 days to affect change in your life. Keep at it for 90 days, one day at a time. :*) I hope you keep on blogging. I like reading what you have to say!
I'm not sure if you'll ever find these comments, but obviously, I'm scrolling through your blog and reading your treasures. This is so good. I love this post. I'm going to go back and read it again. I think we had the same mother. It's hard not to be critical, huh? "You have as much as you're willing to be responsible for." I've been thinking about this and it's true. - AND I'm willing to take on more responsibility for having what makes me happy. How liberating! Thanks.
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